BikeLaughs

A man stands atop a building obviously ready to commit suicide. A negotiator is sent in to talk him down. 

"Mate, don't do it, think of your family!", says the negotiator. 
"They're all dead," replies the man. 
"Oh. Well your friends then." 
"Don't have any." 
"Pets? Work colleagues? Associations?" 
"Run over, sacked, asked to leave." 
"Well think of all the great sporting events to look forward too, the World Cup, the Superbowl, the Tour de France!" 
"Tour de France, what's that?" 
"Jump, ya bastard!"

  

Going Deaf

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.

"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.

"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."

"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"

A Cyclist and His New Bike

A cyclist was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend, another cyclist, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first cyclist was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"The second cyclist replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"The second cyclist nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Border Crossing

A man on a bike, carrying two sacks on his shoulders, was stopped by a guard while crossing the US-Mexican border.

"What's in the bags?" asked the guard.

"Sand," the cyclist replied.

"Get them off. We need to take a look."

The guard emptied the bags and found out they contained nothing but sand. The man reloaded his bags and continued across the border. A week later, the same man was crossing again with two more bags. The guard demanded to see them, and again they contained nothing but sand. This continued every week for six months, until one day the cyclist failed to appear. A few days later, that same guard ran into the cyclist in the city.

"Hey, where have you been?" the guard asked. "You sure had us wondering! We knew you were smuggling something across the border. So tell me and I won't say a word. What was it?"

The man smiled and told him the truth. "Bicycles!"

     Ring That Bell

A tired cyclist stuck his thumb out for a lift. After 3 hours he hadn't got anyone to stop. Eventually, a guy in a sports car pulled over and offered him a lift but, of course, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. The driver got some rope out of his boot [trunk] and tied it to his bumper. He tied the other end to the bike and told the rider, 'If I go too fast, ring your bell and I'll slow down.'

Everything went well until another sports car overtook them. The driver forgot all about the cyclist and put his foot down. A short distance down the road, they hammered through a speed trap. The cop with the radar gun radioed ahead to his colleague that 2 sports cars were heading his way at over 150 mph. He then added, 'And you're not going to believe this - there's a cyclist behind them ringing his bell to pass.'