11 Jun 2013

U Know U are a Cyclist when... : p

1. You tell a family of 5 in a crowded mall to "hold their line."
2. Your spouse says "If you buy another bike I'm going to leave you" and you think, "I guess I'm going to miss him/her."
3. You have more water bottles than you have drinking glasses.
4. You have more cycling jerseys than work shirts.
5. Your cycling jersey IS your work shirt.
6. Your legs are smoother than your wife's.
7. The nicest pair of shoes you own have cleats in the soles.
8. You are walking along a street and you signal left.
9. You go to your local store on a bike.
10. You sulk when in cars, on hot days.
11. You sulk when in cars, on cold, windy, snowy days.
12. You get withdrawal symptoms if off the bike for more than a day.
13. When anybody mentions distance you immediately think of how long it would take to cycle it.
14. You point at pot holes, but you are driving in your car alone.
15. While driving your car you yell at your passenger "Car back" as a vehicle approaches from behind.
16. Your bike is worth more than your car.
17. You put more miles on your bike than your car.
18. Weather forecasts can be broken down into 2 categories: good biking weather, bad biking weather.
19. You put your bicycle in your car, and the value of the total package increases by a factor of 4 (or better).
20. You find out you are going to have a child and the first thing you think about is how you will schedule your rides to avoid divorce and still be a parent.
21. You spend 2X the money on cycling wear that you do work clothes.
22. You can tell your wife with a straight face that it's too hot to mow the lawn, then bike off for a century.
23. You dream of winning the lottery and the first thing you think of is how many/which bikes can I buy?
24. You buy a car based on whether or not a bike will fit in the trunk/back, with the rear seat folded down.
25. You open your car window and yell out "On your left" when passing cars on the freeway.
26. You have not one, not two, but three permanent chain ring scars on your right calf.
27. Your bike sleeps with you in the living or bedroom.
28. You wear a heart rate monitor during sex.
29. You check out all other guys/girls legs to see if they are better than yours.
30. Your spouse can't take it anymore and takes up cycling.
31. You wonder why a $500 bike has 24 gear ratios, while a $20,000 car or truck only has 4.
32. You crash...and insist on getting to the bike shop to have your bike checked out BEFORE going to the hospital.
33. You can't seem to get to work before 8:30am, but you don't have a problem meeting your buddies at 5:30am for a ride. 
34. You’ve given your bike a nickname.
35. You know that pain is just fear leaving your body, before it returns through your hamstrings.
36. You’ve heard the words “Just a friendly ride, no one gets dropped” while rapidly falling back in the pack.
37. You hate headwinds, hills and trucks parked on the shoulder of any descent.
38. You forget all the pain, headwinds, humidity and hills within days of a long ride, and start dreaming about the next.
39. You’ve washed off that chain ring grease “tattoo” on your calf so often that you went ahead and got a real one there.
40. When camping, your bike stays with you in your tent.
41. You’ve considered what can still be accomplished in life while a broken collarbone heals.
42. You’ve misplaced an hour of your life cursing, sweating and twisting a wrench, unaware that one of the pedals threads the opposite way.
43. When your loved ones have assigned a separate hamper for your dirty bike clothes, and placed a hazmat label on it.
44. You can ID five brands and sixteen flavors of protein bars in a blind taste test, but on most long rides you would eat wet shoe leather, properly salted and containing a balance of electrolytes, of course.
45. Approaching a rider from behind, you’ve thought, “I will attack until your lungs cease to function properly, you collapse in the gutter and call out for your grandma’s quilted afghan.” Then offered a respectful nod as you blurred by.you check out everyone else’s legs to see if they are better than yours.
46. You know the difference between a Presta and a Schrader valve.
47. You wear more tights than a children’s theater group performing Peter Pan.
48. You are an expert at spotting thunderstorms, tornados, windstorms, marauding cattle and ice cream stands from a distance.
49. You have been caught in a thunderstorm while still in the saddle blinking away water and grinning all the way home. 
50. You learned a long time ago that it doesn’t matter how light or fast, just get on that bike.
51. You have defined the 8 stages of road kill decomposition through daily observation.
52. You have tested your hypothermic limits and found that they can be expanded with pedal speed, layering and hot cocoa.
53. Your wallet is clear, made of plastic and sports the designer label Ziplok.
54. You have more up-to-date knowledge of bike specs, gear and equipment than the staff at your local shop.
55. You think about each hill as a cyclist, even when you are driving in a car.
56. You know how many miles you rode last night, last week, last year.
57. You have a Biker’s Tan. (bottom 2 /3 of your legs, lower 1/2 your arms, and two little circles on the tops of your hands)
58. You get sad when your Biker’s Tan fades.

~ Author Unknown (compiled from the net)


  1. Absolutely hilarious!
    Most of them are true for me, but none more than 33..
    And 49 reminds me of Calvin's dad.. :D

    1. T, thanx : ) n there's a blog post coming up of my fav toons of Calvin's dad : D

  2. Haha point no.6 is Hilarious..

  3. Awesome but point no.6 is hilarious :)

  4. You are cyclist if you follow traffic rules.